Zen and Listening

 I’m sure you have been in a situation, most everyone has, where you really didn’t hear what was being said. A classic example is when you meet someone for the first time, that person tells you their name, and then a couple of minutes later you’re asking yourself, “what was their name again?”

In another situation perhaps you have gone to a meeting or someone has given you instructions or directions, only to find yourself a few minutes later asking, “I’m sorry, what was it you just said?”

What has happened is that you weren’t focus or really paying attention to what was said. It happens to everyone. Most people engage in what I call ‘selective listening’ meaning we only hear what we want to hear.

The term, selective listening, actually has two meanings. In one case you only hear enough to acknowledge what is being said but without really paying attention. In another way you attentively listen because you feel the communication is important.

That’s the difference; you use your own judgment to determine what is important to you and what is not.

Proper communication is an art. Unfortunately not everyone understands this and as a result the meaning is lost. It is important that you learn how to listen carefully, because even if you are very skilled at listening, the meaning of what is being said can still be lost or misunderstood.

If you have been listening carefully, then at least you know you can ask for clarification so that you can understand what is being said. If you listen carefully and practice the art of listening, your communications will become more engaging and effective.

Most people don’t carefully listen to what is being said. They think that listening is just a basic sense and they don’t feel it requires any extra attention. In reality hearing is a basic sense and listening is a skill that requires attention and practice.

Everyone gets distracted by their own thoughts or external influences to the point where we don’t really listen and consequently the meaning of what is being said is lost or at the very least misunderstood.

If you are not deaf or suffer from other hearing disorders, then you hear everything within ear shot. You may not necessarily pay attention to everything you hear and you only listen to the things you focus on.

Careful listening is essential if you are to understand what is being said. The art of communication is to effectively deliver information so that when it is acknowledged by the listener it is clearly understood.

To listen properly and carefully requires discipline. It’s easy to become distracted and daydream or think about other things, for example, “when is this meeting going to be over?” “This is so boring.” “I have other things to do.”

When someone is talking to you, you may be thinking about what you are going to say next. When this happens I can assure you that you are not carefully listening.

Sometimes I’ll be talking and someone interrupts me and I know they are not listening so I just stop talking and let them go on. That’s the Zen approach and sometimes they realize and apologize.