Zen and Self Confidence

 I am sure there were situations from your past where you should have been more assertive and made a stronger case for what is right. Sometimes a situation will arise so quickly that you didn’t have time to think about being confident enough to assert what is right.

You certainly don’t want to be over confident to the point of being obnoxious, egotistical, and arrogant. You don’t want to be too assertive or people won’t want to be around you. You also don’t want to be pushed around and taken advantage of either.

So it becomes a skill set that you can work on, fine tune, and keep in balance. You can be assertive enough to stand up for yourself and your rights while engaging in the art of give and take. You can be respectful of others’ feelings and points of view and at the same time have much less conflict in your day to day dealings with others.

Communicating properly and respectfully will be accepted more readily than someone with a combative disposition or overly aggressive nature. One of the best ways to be assertive in expressing your point of view is through respectful communication.

Should you happen to disagree with someone’s point of view, but respect their right to express it, then there will be less conflict and a mutual better understanding.

Accept the fact that you cannot persuade or change everyone’s mind nor would you want to. When someone disagrees with you, it would be wise to adopt a Zen approach by expressing your point of view, accepting their point of view, and moving on.

It is always a good idea to try and be considerate of everyone else’s opinion or point of view. This doesn’t mean you have to change your point of view. Your opinion needs to be respected along with everyone else’s, and do not assume that your opinion or point of view does not matter, it most certainly does, especially to you.

If you really don’t want to do something it is best to be honest and up front about it. If you have a healthy level of self-confidence, you can be assertive without making up some lame excuse for why you don’t want to do something.

One thing is for sure, if you are honest you won’t have to worry about someone tripping you up and catching you in a lie later. Even if you feel the reason you don’t want to do something is due to a sensitive situation, you do not have to give a reason, and you could simply say that you don’t want to.

If you’re always honest about whether you want to do something or not, you’ll feel better about making that decision, and you will not feel guilty in doing so.

Achieving a healthy balance of self-confidence and being assertive is the right mind set. It allows you to stay focused and positive. Being Zen is not allowing the little things in your day to day living to create undue pressure.

It is equally Zen to stay optimistic and not allow negativity from anyone. Pessimism is the stuff that losers are made of and it will cause you to lose sight of what is really important in life.

Being assertive and having a healthy level of self-confidence means taking responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others. Be flexible; you need to have plans and goals but you also need to adapt and change when a particular plan or goal doesn’t work out the way you want it to.