Zen and Relationships

 I’ve heard it said that one out of every two marriages end in divorce. I always wonder how two people can be so much in love and then end up separating because of one reason or another and they can’t get along anymore.

Sometimes I think that people don’t try hard enough to make a marriage last. When a relationship starts, it is based on mutual attraction and it is all about being deeply in love.

Since the love was once there, or perhaps it still is, I think it is important to do everything possible to help the marriage persevere. As two people spend more time together, there is no doubt that a loving relationship will change, and by changing it should become deeper and more committed.

Communication in a relationship or marriage is critically important and perhaps the biggest reason why a marriage breaks down in the first place. There is no place for selfishness or a self-centered attitude in a loving and caring relationship.

I have been married almost fifty years and we are very considerate of each other’s feelings and sensitive to each other’s needs. We both have realized how important it is to do nice things for each other on a daily basis, no matter how big or small. There is no other person that I can turn to, talk to, share my inner most fears, desires, and concerns, and trust more than my best friend.

You and your spouse will be surprised and sometimes amazed at how having a good old fashioned heart to heart about your problems will often times bring about a solution just by discussing it. Just be careful not to fall back into old ways that are counterproductive.

Give each other ample time to talk and really listen to what your spouse is saying. Pick the right time to have these conversations with quality time, even if you have to put the kids to bed a little earlier, or get up before breakfast, because it is that important and it will bring you closer together.

Don’t digress and don’t get side tracked. Stay focused, if you feel your spouse is getting off track, don’t become antagonistic, calmly and rationally come back to the issue at hand and begin working on a solution. It is easy to get side tracked, but if you and your spouse really love each other, then you should be able to respectfully remind your spouse on the problem being discussed.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “a marriage made in Heaven,” in reality, I don’t think that it really exists. I know of a number of marriages that are really great where the couples have been married for thirty, forty, and fifty years or more.

While these marriages appear to be ‘perfect’ they still have problems from time to time. Those couples have an attitude and a philosophy that we could all learn from, and basically that is, there isn’t anything they can’t work out together. When you are having these conversations or discussions, be Zen, and the both of you check your egos at the door.